Hey Mommy. Oh! And You, Too, Mommy.

Saturday night we were enjoying a nice meal at a favorite standard restaurant.  Our booth was perfectly situated by the hostess desk.  Our son, Micah, has always been one to flirt with the young lady who works it.

gay-dad-mommy“Mommy,” as he looks over our booth straight at her.  She looks stunned.  We kinda shrug it off, since he pronounces his own name as “mō’ mee.”  Upon the second, third and fourth “mommy,” we realize he isn’t saying his name, he is indeed calling her mommy.

As we exited, she had big tears in her eyes saying, “Since I can’t have children, that meant so much to me.”  We honestly felt awkward.

Fast forward, we’re in Park City, Utah on vacation.  Low and behold, multiple women are addressed as mommy by Micah.  They all smile at us two obviously gay dads, and we remain awkwardly perplexed.

This lead us to discuss what is potentially happening.  If your kid, toddler, son or daughter is calling every woman they see Mommy, think about these.

He’s in search of his mother since he has two dads.  

I have to admit this was the first thing that entered my mind.  I had to ask myself, is my two-year-old on a quest to ask around for his mother already?  Knowing my child like no one else, I can honestly say he his not on such a quest.

He’s feeling a need for a mother figure and is reaching out.

This one can’t be possible the case.  Micah has several women in his life who he interacts with daily and weekly on a deep level.  The two he clings to the most in this realm are two dear friends, Crystal and Alexandra.  We’ve got that one covered.

He’s generalized the word mommy to all women.

He calls every animal with feathers “chick,” meaning chicken.  He calls many older women “Mammaw,” the name for his paternal grandmother.  Perhaps he’s defined the word mommy as a general term for all females.  

In all the scenarios, only time can tell once he can tell us what he means.  For now, all we can do is allow him to refer to places, peoples and things in his understanding and help him understand the correct terminology for all things in our vocabulary.  All we can do is not allow this “mommy phase” make us feel like we aren’t nurturing him the way he needs to be nurtured.

Of course, now, that I finish writing these thoughts, I decide to seek the most well-known counselor to us all, “Dr. Google.”  Upon searching, I see that few, if any, writings on this issue from a gay father / gay dad point of view exist.  However, you will find multiple results on straight couples and biological mothers having the same scenario play out in their worlds.

Ultimately, I think it’s safe to say, we’re not alone.  This isn’t a gay dad issue.  This isn’t a loss of motherhood issue.  It’s a toddler learning vocabulary, and that’s ok, mommy and all.



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